I Have Low Self Esteem and Need Help…?

Question by Jeena: I have Low Self Esteem and Need Help…?
and have been trying to (for some reason *I* don’t even understand)..to make a relationship work with a man who doesn’t care about himself or others at all. There is no balance in our relationship or our lives. He is very out of control, like he is “spinning” day to day. He overspends his money, doesn’t take care of himself physically, he blows family and friends off all the time, and he blows me off. It is literally a roller coaster trying to have anything at all with him. One day he’ll love me, be on top of the world, do everything for me, and the very next day he’ll be “over it”. And he will ignore me, and act like I don’t exist, until next time he wants to speak to me. He tells me that he has no idea who he is, and that people and money mean nothing to him, but that he is depressed without me in his life. He even says very strange, almost attention seeking things sometimes too…..for example: that he has a gun and is going to kill himself tonight, or that he is playing with knives, or is driving drunk and hopes he ends his life that night. The very next day after saying these things, he’ll act like no big deal and won’t mention it.

I know there is something very OFF with him. And he has done TREMENDOUS damage to me and my self esteem. He has messed with my mind for a very long time, and he said the most awful things to me (and about me to others), and has done the most awful things to me too. I couldn’t even call him a friend. Yet, he tries to suck me back into his life every time I get out for a period of time.

I always feel disgusting after associating with him, literally, because I know that he has no true feelings for me or anyone, it’s almost like sleeping with the enemy, or a known criminal. In fact, he does scare me, because even after 3yrs I hardly know him. And I know continuing a relationship with him is wrong and bad for me. I know that he will never change. I know that he has no goals in life too. He sleeps during ALL his free time. He truly is a loser. And he has tried SO HARD to bring me down. He has NEVER been there for me, in any situation where I needed him. It’s almost as if I am purely in his life to satisfy his emotional needs, when he wants. He dumps his emotional baggage on me, all his problems, and he wants to TALK and TALK about all of them with me always, because he does not talk with anyone else about anything but “bs”. He is not close with anyone. He does not have close friends and he rarely speaks to his family.

I know he is broken. And I know that I have VERY low self esteem. I think we both need help. He is very self destructive…and tries to get me to join along with him….whether it be drugs/drinking/gambling. One strange aspect is, he really wants me have his child. It’s like he isn’t in touch with reality? He can’t even take care of himself…yet he wants a baby. And the way he has always treated me, and he wants a child? He is clearly an abuser, and he would also abuse his child if he had one. That is what I think.

He makes fun of me in front of others sometimes too. He also treats me like a w hore when we’re alone at times, degrading me and wanting me to basically be his pretty little toy he can play with whenever he feels. He also asks me for money sometimes.

Basically, he has never added to my life, but has always taken. I feel disgusting because of it. And I don’t know how to get rid of him or “it”, it’s a vicious never ending cycle. He is like a disease. I have changed so much from who I used to be. I am very negative, I can barely hold a job, and I am very depressed. I know that he isn’t completely to blame, as I am at fault as well. I have allowed his mistreatment for almost 4yrs now. How do I get out? How do let go of this addiction to his emotional abuse, the addiction to him? It’s chaotic. I have turned into a very mean, ugly person too now, I’m not the woman I used to be. I fight back with him now too, I don’t just cry, I fight with my words and I am very nasty to him. I have even gotten physical with him because I have such strong feelings of hate towards him and have gotten so fed up with his lies and manipulation. I am very mean to him now, because of all the things he has done to me. Again, this isn’t who I used to me or who I want to me. I hate myself these days.

Best answer:

Answer by Greg
“It’s almost as if I am purely in his life to satisfy his emotional needs, when he wants.”

It’s not almost, you are purely there to satisfy his emotional needs, when he wants. You need to work out why you’re attracted to that? He’s continually driving down your self esteem so you’ll think there’s no way you’ll find someone better than him. In short you can, you just need to escape from his clutches, destroy your phone, get on a bus to wherever and start a new life.

He makes fun of you in front of others to lower your self esteem and because he gets off on knowing that he has this power over you.

Please get out while you can.

Answer by mina
Ok, I read the whole thing

To grow and become a person, inside and out, you have to eliminate the problem which is, in this case, him. Don’t let him bring you down, always remember that you are better than this, better than HIM. Honestly it seems like you both have issues that you guys need to work out, and it seems to me that he probably needs some serious counseling if he is not only hurting himself, but his love ones too.

If he is hurting you like this, why are you still with him? I think you have to get away from him and spend time worrying about YOURSELF and not about how he plans to kill himself for attention.
You need some you time, do your favorite things like reading a book or taking a bath or a spa day.

Its your life you choose if you want to be like this or to be happy

but i wish you luck, hope your life will get better and you won’t be so sad!

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