Is There a Guy Out There Who Would Talk to Me About This?
Question by killingmesoftly_1986: Is there a guy out there who would talk to me about this?
My husband is a porn addict… if you are one or recovering would you tell me your thoughts or story on this subject? I am trying to understand and deal with this so anyone who won’t be rude and is willing to talk you can email me. I would appreciate it.
Oh or if you know someone like this, let them email me!
Best answer:
Answer by Soleil Noir
First off, I’m not sure if I’d classify what your husband is doing as an “addiction”, like one would have with drugs or alcohol, or just a weakness of the will.
Second, just how is this “addiction” manifesting itself? Is he spending lots of money on magazines, videos, website subscriptions, etc. (to the point where you’re having trouble paying the bills)? Is his pursuit of pornography interfering with his ability to function (has he been disciplined for surfing porn sites at work? Is he exhausting his libido with masturbation, rather than having a sex life with you?) Or is it just that you don’t like the fact that he’s occasionally looking at pictures of naked women other than you?
Whatever the answer, the first thing to remember is that it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It probably doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you, or that he has a low opinion of women, or condones sexual abuse, or that he prefers porn to “the real thing”. Men tend to be much better at “compartmentalizing” their lives than women; and porn is a quick-and-easy route to sexual gratification without any strings attached or accompanying hassles (STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, relationships that go sour, etc.).
Whether pornography is inherently “wrong” or not is a matter for debate; but if it bothers you, you need to express that upset to your husband directly, rather than taking it out on him in some passive-aggressive way. And he needs to be considerate of your feelings, whether he thinks you’re being unreasonable or not.
You might consider going to couples therapy, so you can both air out your grievances in a controlled setting with a neutral mediator to help guide you — this pornography stuff could just be a symptom of a larger, unspoken problem within the marriage. You might also consider meeting your husband halfway, and see if you can find some erotic films or books that the two of you might enjoy together — you may just find that you’ve got some misconceptions of your own about what pornography is really all about.
Good luck to the both of you.
Answer by Hottie
I will pray for you and him. Good luck and God Bless!